date:
Saturday, April 28, 2007
sigh so much has happened.
my birthday's coming up in less than 12 hours, but i'm less than enthusiastic about it. there's just been so much going on... with my family, with my spiritual life, my friends, my studies, him, you name it, i got it. sometimes i'm just so tired of it all.
since i was a little girl, my dream was to live in a cottage at the countryside or by the seaside, have a lovely horse that can bring me on rides where i can let myself loose. but of course, such dreams never come true.
spent my day listening and sining along to songs. music really heals my soul. especially songs that link emotions to mine so strongly i break down and cry
it's a long long journey
till i know where i'm supposed to be
it's a long long journey
and i don't know if i can believe
when shadows fall and block my eyes
i am lost and know that i must hide
it's a long long journey
till i find my way home to you
Many days i've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
wondering what's my purpose
wondering how to make me strongi know i will falter
i know i will cry
i know you'll be standing by my side
it's a long long journey
and i need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
i don't even know why i do the things i do
when pride builds me up till i can't see my soul
will you break down these walls and pull me through
Cause it's a long long jouorney
till i feel i am worth the price
you paid for me on calvary
beneath those stormy skies
when satan mocks and friends turn to foes
it feel like everything is out to make me lose contrl
cause it's a long long journey
tilil i find my way home to you.
kaela @
1:42:00 PM
date:
Sunday, April 22, 2007
haha just thought of sharing something about myself that i discovered while scolling through the photos taken over the weekend, which was also kel's birthday weekend=)
i have the tendency to forget to zoom out after taking long range shots, and end up taking un glam extremely close up pics that show my pores=/ and it happened not just oncem but 5 times! lol~ i've posted the evidence below=D
oh wells=) the other pics turned out pretty well though, shall post them up soon=)
kaela @
11:15:00 PM
date:
haha my really sweet kor!! =D
thanks a bunch!! =)
kaela @
9:44:00 PM
date:
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
just started a relief assignment, relieving mr ow gan pin.
teaching 1n2 math, 1e3 and 1e4 science, 3e4 physics, 4n1 science and 4n2 physics.
haha which is good i guess, cause after all i was a triple science student! lol~
but i liked history too lah. just that it was really texing.
hmmmm 1e4 came over to my place for class party on friday. it was a blast! haha=)
sigh it's just busy busy busy now~ but i'd rather be busy i guess. for 1 period of 4n2's tdy, i spent 2 hours plus preparing for it. haven't been having propoer meals these days. usually it's a slice of bread in the morn, if i'm lucky and 5 min lunch and coffee in the late afternoon. been losing my appetite...
oh yup, was at coffee bean marking tdy when valerie and sherlyn came by to study with me=) felt good to have company, and they're really adorable girls. sherlyn's really hardworking now, i have high hopes for both of them! hmmmyup so spent abt 5 hours just marking and preparing for the lessons. so far, all the classes have been pretty manageable. only that there really are a lot of periods i have to teach in a day=/
hmmm things are still pretty complicated now... some parts of me can't seem to let go, other parts of me just want it to all fade away
kaela @
9:59:00 PM
date:
Sunday, April 15, 2007
hmmm been feeling pretty inspired these few days...
wrote my second song on the next day... it's kinda like a sad song, reflectiong my life, my thoughts and events that took place that left quite an impact on me...
the song's called
invisible..
verse 1 & 2:i'm standing here beside you
but your eyes they look past me
stretched out my arms, i tried to touch
but you turned and left quietly
i could stand here and shout
my voice just echoes on and on
i crawl towards the door
yet still no one hears my song
bridge:but there i stood invisible
no eyes could see, no ears could hear
i long so much for just one touch from someone close and dear
chorus:and so i scream and shout
just to find the right way out
tried to be calm and cool
found all ways to be cheerful
giving what i have left
just to prove that i'm okay
still it all comes back
just to haunt me once again
at the end of that long day
verse 3 & 4:wish someone else takes my place
sure he'd be more successful
given my best, yet still i fail
paint my world in dull shades of blue
friends i have, come and go
most times i still feel lonely
i've tried to fill that void
yet instead that void fills me
bridgechorusand so i stand invisible
the hope once there has flown away
i wish that they would notice me
and not keep me at bay
at the end of that long day
kaela @
10:54:00 PM
date:
Friday, April 13, 2007
okays so i kept to my word, and i did go to east coast.... alone!
but i didn't get to cycle... the sky looked really threatening so i didn't rent a bike. sat by the shore and just took in the scenery. gosh i missed the seaside. so i sat there, and i wrote a song. somehow felt inspired. with God's touch. the lyrics in this song kinda bring out events in my life, and things i 've always kept but never really expressed... so... here it is:
Love, once againverse 1 & 2Just when i thought love really left me
just when i thought i'd be left lonely
Your light shone through
Reminding me i still had you
words alone can never bring out
the fear i felt and all the doubt
although i kept them quietly
you found your way back into me
chorusyou, fit the pieces back together
you, showed me that hope's round the corner
you, brought my heart under your shelter
i, can't help but fall in love once (and)
you, opened my eyes helped me to see
you, planted faith right back into me
you, held me through and caught all my tears
i, can't help but fall in love once again
verse 3 & 4there're times when i felt unloved, forsaken
leaving the world was my solution
along you came
your gentle hands removed the pain
through the rain you still came searching
never left me out there hiding
although i kept rejecting you
for me you always do come through
chorusbridgeJust when i thought i could love no longer
you made me your love ambassador
because you came
my life will never me the same
chorusyup. my first attempt at song writing. the song really made me feel better. it's like i've put down all my thoughts and left them there...
kaela @
12:11:00 AM
date:
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
i'm so totally bored! i have absolutely nothing to do now, no one to meet, nowhere to go.
sigh everyone's busy working... i want to go to the beach... but i can't possibly go alone right? hmmm haha i shall go to east coast to cycle alone! yay! but it looks like it's gna rain=/
but i don't really care! =)
i just want some time free. now that i have it, i'm at a loss cause there's no one to spend it with me... everyone's busy busy busy.
oh well. i'll cab to east coast and cycle then=) if it doesn't rain.
kaela @
10:33:00 AM
date:
Monday, April 09, 2007
yup so... there finally is an end to all the months of meaningless conversations, mistrust and unconfidence.
we've decided to let everything go, and start afresh as best friends... there really isn't any point holding on when our relationship is based on updates and drop-in checks, so we have to build a new one all over again. one that has trust and confidence as key factors..
it feels like shit. who likes breakups?
but i guess it's something we have to do. i'd rather have a best friend than a stagnant and dying relationship...
i'll really miss you, life will be back to the loneliness trap.thanks for the past year dear, i really do hope this break will help us to grow stronger in out relationship... for once we'd be sharing because we want to, not just to update each other. sigh...
now that i'm no longer teaching... i'll be even more lonely without you. i just hope you'll take good care of yourself... i'll really really miss the times we had together... hugs~
i'm not superwoman, i'll definitely be very sad... but i promise you i'll pull myself tgt soon. for our sakes.
kaela @
12:28:00 AM
date:
Saturday, April 07, 2007
have been stoning away the entire day. like totally. to the point whereby i slept in front of the monitor. lol=) i really want to pack my bags and go away for awhile AGAIN. to someplace like the camp site, and just be free once more=) haha you can really get hooked on that kind of freedom. where there are no expectations to meet, to worries to concern yourself abt.
i really really MISS MY KIDS=)there are moments when i don't know if it's realor if anybody feels the way i feeli need inspiration, not just another negotiation...
kaela @
5:46:00 PM
date:
Friday, April 06, 2007
just came back from sec 3 camp tdy... it was great! pics i'll try to get from liy and post=)
kaela @
11:14:00 PM
date:
i feel weird, i act weird.
hmmm i don't know why either!
maybe i just don't like to answer;
maybe for once i want to drop down all the burdens around and just step out freely.
kaela @
2:20:00 AM
date:
Thursday, April 05, 2007
been feeling kinda bothered by some things. hmmm. will post abt when i get things more sorted out.
kaela @
10:06:00 PM